Post by ~ Atsumari ~ on Jun 10, 2018 15:36:09 GMT -8
September 18th 4566
I’ve not done one of these since I arrived on this ship; or even in my own life… I never had a diary yet after talking to a person I hold dear… For once I feel like I need to write my thoughts down; or type them in a form. We met three years ago and before that I had never actually loved anyone. I hated the world around me and considered the only friends in my life to be Tess and my uncle. Even my parents just judged me and told me what to do. I took up fighting with anyone who would fight with someone else just so I could prove myself better then all those who made judgements of me. I honestly didn’t care I did not have anyone else because they were enough. Until I met you that was; the night I met you as I had seen you before I just thought that you were just another judgmental prick… and then you did something I never expected… You offered to spend time with me… I thought you were offering me a ride just because I was some girl and you were a male chauvinist feeling that you had to care for women because they were beneath you. After the time in the gym I knew there was something different about you; even when you suggested we go to the hospital… Silly boy… girls bleed a little when we have our first…
Well days turned into weeks and in spite of our issues and your constant wanting of sex there was something different about you and I loved you… After the first few days I didn’t quite understand but after so much time and your caring for me throughout the incident with Sargent Franks I knew then that you were my world and I wanted to marry you; have my life with you and let everyone know… Weeks turned into years and we both graduated. You worked as a pilot and I looking for work with the local city newspapers wandered on to a Temporal Security Service base. Like an idiot I dragged you back with me and we both arrived here. After being appointed on the Lavie I asked you to marry me but you said we already had shown each other we cared. By the time our training was done and you had started going on patrol I had started work as well… I wanted to talk to you further about this and prove my love for you but… One day you went on patrol and then… You never returned. A week later the remains of your fighter were found by the Fleet Service. They kept this from me knowing I wouldn’t react well to it.
Finally Yuka gave me the news… I’d lost the only link to my past, my lover and my rock. Then I found the ship’s XO; in some ways he reminded me of you; he cared when no one else did and he gave me the strength to at least go on… I then found the girl of my dreams yet even she can’t seem to fill what you held in my soul… I loved you and now you are gone and it leaves a hole inside of me. Her teaching me to control myself has helped lessen the burden though I find that I can’t fill the spot in my heart you held. I love you Brandon but I don’t want to feel this pain anymore; I always want to remember you but I… just… don’t like… feeling this way… I wish I could just close off this place… because I hate how it makes me feel.
I’ve not done one of these since I arrived on this ship; or even in my own life… I never had a diary yet after talking to a person I hold dear… For once I feel like I need to write my thoughts down; or type them in a form. We met three years ago and before that I had never actually loved anyone. I hated the world around me and considered the only friends in my life to be Tess and my uncle. Even my parents just judged me and told me what to do. I took up fighting with anyone who would fight with someone else just so I could prove myself better then all those who made judgements of me. I honestly didn’t care I did not have anyone else because they were enough. Until I met you that was; the night I met you as I had seen you before I just thought that you were just another judgmental prick… and then you did something I never expected… You offered to spend time with me… I thought you were offering me a ride just because I was some girl and you were a male chauvinist feeling that you had to care for women because they were beneath you. After the time in the gym I knew there was something different about you; even when you suggested we go to the hospital… Silly boy… girls bleed a little when we have our first…
Well days turned into weeks and in spite of our issues and your constant wanting of sex there was something different about you and I loved you… After the first few days I didn’t quite understand but after so much time and your caring for me throughout the incident with Sargent Franks I knew then that you were my world and I wanted to marry you; have my life with you and let everyone know… Weeks turned into years and we both graduated. You worked as a pilot and I looking for work with the local city newspapers wandered on to a Temporal Security Service base. Like an idiot I dragged you back with me and we both arrived here. After being appointed on the Lavie I asked you to marry me but you said we already had shown each other we cared. By the time our training was done and you had started going on patrol I had started work as well… I wanted to talk to you further about this and prove my love for you but… One day you went on patrol and then… You never returned. A week later the remains of your fighter were found by the Fleet Service. They kept this from me knowing I wouldn’t react well to it.
Finally Yuka gave me the news… I’d lost the only link to my past, my lover and my rock. Then I found the ship’s XO; in some ways he reminded me of you; he cared when no one else did and he gave me the strength to at least go on… I then found the girl of my dreams yet even she can’t seem to fill what you held in my soul… I loved you and now you are gone and it leaves a hole inside of me. Her teaching me to control myself has helped lessen the burden though I find that I can’t fill the spot in my heart you held. I love you Brandon but I don’t want to feel this pain anymore; I always want to remember you but I… just… don’t like… feeling this way… I wish I could just close off this place… because I hate how it makes me feel.